This article talks a lot about how we were there for each other before the kids. Which is SO true. After we get married we are caught up in this "Wife" phase and still focus on making him feel like our big, strong hero and her to feel like an amazing and beautiful woman. Even when we are expecting our first child..bliss..love..devotion for one another is there..strong!! But, the second that baby is born..life changes. Period!
Though this article is amazing~I have to add..it doesn't mention what happens AFTER the kids are gone. Just like our children were born into our lives and changed them in a split second, they will grow up, and though they won't be out of our lives, their need for us changes, in a split second! Then what? Well guess what~that's up to you, but you have to start now!
Just like we were there for each other before kids, we are going to be there for each other after the kids (and for all eternity if you share the same beliefs as I do)! If we get so caught up in our parenting roles, then what happens the day our kids are grown and at college or married? Well, if we are too focused on them, chances are we will get way too caught up in their choices and in their relationship as "Wife" and "Mother" and we don't want that. Yes, we absolutely want our children to still come to us and ask our advice, but we don't need to, nor should we want to, get so caught up and focused in their lives that we still reject being a "Wife" and "Woman!" We will be so lost in how to have a good marriage or be happy with who we are if we get too caught up in this role. I will be 44 when my youngest leaves the house. Boy I can't imagine forgetting how to be "Wife" and "Woman" at such a young age! We all need a balance, whether we think we do or not. We do. Because in the end, we are a woman, we were born that way for a reason, and not all of it was for mothering roles. And we will be wives for ever from the day we say, "I do" until forever! So..how can we get out of this funk??
DO IT! All those things that we loved doing with our spouse before the kids. Do them! Continue to date each other. Chase and romance each other. The little notes, random flowers, even a smiley face on a piece of paper does a world of difference for the person who finds it! Candlelit dinners. Dates other than dinner and a movie. Take a class together where you both can learn something new. Be adventurous. And always, ALWAYS remember to laugh and make the other person laugh!
DO IT! Everything you enjoyed or did for yourself before the kids, before the husband. Do them! Take a nice bubble bath. Read a book. Do your nails or get them done. Get your hair done. Wear girly-smelling lotion. Go to the gym or work out at home. Get ready for the day. Be yourself. And smile!!!
DO IT! Go on dates. Go out with friends. Go off for the weekend. Your kids and/or husband will survive without you, and you without them. I promise! We don't get the luxury of going out as often as we'd like to. But we do date nights each Saturday, even if it's a creative at-home date. Do something for yourselves and yourself! When we do go out our kids ask where we are going and we do not beat around the bush, ever. We say we are going on a date. Always tell them the truth. They will get it!
"Why?"
"Because Mommy and Daddy need time away for a few hours to be Husband and Wife again!"
"Okay!"
Now they don't even ask why. It's just, "Okay!"
When we get time to do things for ourselves, we tell them.
"I'm just going off with friends because I need some time to be me again."
They get it. Kids understand. Not only do they understand what we need, they will (hopefully) understand that it's okay to have the desire to continue to be "Wife" and "Woman" once they are married with children of their own. I would hate for them to still want those things but be ashamed of them or not balancing them well because I never taught them how.
We were there for ourselves before we became "Wife." We were there for each other before we became "Mother." We will be "Wife" and "Women" long after the kids need us to be "Mommy!"
Have a happy day~Kasey
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