Be True to Yourself! Back to school theme!

We have never had a theme for the school year before.  But now that my kids have been in school for a few years, I knew we needed one this year.  Let's see if I can sum up why....

Last year we noticed my son liked to goof off.  His teachers told me that he knows when to have fun and when to calm down and get work done.  Gage either finished his work quickly and started talking, or he would see his friends laughing and being silly and sit and laugh at them.  It was something he worked on last year, but we knew it needed to be something he worked on again this year.

His twin sister has had a rough go of friends in school.  In her 4 year old preschool class, she had her first taste of "mean girls."  No, not nasty or mean-hearted like older girls can be.  But she was left out.  It happened for a little while and I told her she had to talk to her teacher about it.  She did and the teacher put a stop to it.  There was one little girl who befriended her and she was able to feel better about it because of this sweet girl.  In Kindergarten, it was the same story.  She's kind of quiet and reserved around a lot of people.  She made one good friend and that was what she needed.  Last year, was rough!  There are first and second graders in the same class.  The older girls weren't very friendly or accepting and most of the first grade girls wanted to be friends with them, so they acted like those girls.  Taya did not.  She didn't change who she was to be accepted by these girls.  Which, we all know as adults is SUCH a great quality!!  But that's hard to explain to young kids!  She cried about it many times last year, about being left out, feeling lonely at school, and having no friends.  It was so hard!  

Our next two girls haven't had many years in school and haven't had any issues.  They just have trouble letting themselves be themselves around anyone but family.  

The first day of school this year was Tuesday.  So we had our family home evening on Monday night.  This doesn't have to be an FHE, I just made it that way for us!  I made the theme for the school year, "Be true to yourself!"  I got most of it from what I knew they needed to continue to work on and from this fabulous book!  

Chapter 5 is "Be True" and I just fell in love after rereading it.  I knew this would really speak to my kids.  

At the beginning of this, President Hinckley shared a story from his own childhood.  He was a seventh grader, and that meant it was to be his first year of Junior High.  Unfortunately, the renovations on the school weren't finished, so the seventh graders were sent back to the elementary where there was enough room.  He, and the other boys in his class, were not happy about this.  They were too old, too cool, too big for the elementary school.  They decided that the next day, they'd send a message by not going to school.

He says, "But we had no place to go.  We couldn't stay home, because our mothers would ask questions.  We didn't think of going downtown to a show, because in those days we had no money for that.  We didn't think of going to the park because we were afraid we would be seen by Mr. Clayton, the truant officer.  We didn't think of going out behind the school fence and telling shady stories because we didn't know any.  We had never heard of such things as drugs or anything of the kind.  So we just wondered around and wasted the day."

I love this!  The kids loved that part too.  They thought it was so funny that they really had nothing to do and were just so bored!  Bored is right...the next day they went back to school..to an unexpected surprise.  Their principal, Mr. Stearns, whose "demeanor matched his name" was there to greet them at the front door.  He told them that striking was not the way to solve a problem and that they were "expected to be responsible citizens" and should have gone to talk to him if they had a complaint.  They were not allowed back until they had a note from their parents.  

President Hinckley walked, sheepishly, into his home.  His mother immediately asked him what was wrong and he told her what happened the day before.  She wrote a note, a very short note, but he said that "it was the most stinging rebuke she ever gave me."

"Dear Mr. Stearns,

         Please excuse Gordon's absence yesterday.  His action was simply an impulse to follow the crowd."

I cannot not even try to paraphrase his next two paragraphs.

"I have never forgotten my mother's note. Though I had been an active party to the action we had taken, I had resolved then and there that I would never do anything on the basis of simply following the crowd.  I determined then and there that I would make my own decisions on the basis of their merits and not be influenced by those around me. I decided that I would be true to whatever I believed to be right.

That decision has blessed my life countless times in countless ways, sometimes in very uncomfortable circumstances.  It has kept me from doing some things which, if indulged in, could at worst have resulted in serious trouble, and at best would have cost me my self-respect."

I explained this to the kids in ways they would understand.  The next thing we did was go through the points he makes in this section.  Be true to your land and country you call home, your friends, your parents, heritage, and family, to the truth, to what is right and fair and honest, to who you are and your own convictions.  There were some parts I read from the book but all we talked about with our kids. We made it into a discussion so they understood what I was getting at!  I gave them each the printout that I made for them.  They hung it somewhere where they would see it every day.  Some put it next to their beds, one on the back of his door so he saw it every morning he left his room, and some put it on the wall next to their backpack hooks.  (Just click here for the link to the printable..I have five color versions for my five crazy different kids!!)  

BE TRUE

Next, and this may just be the part that really hit home to them, they made a goal.  Each of the kids received a blank paper and they came up with a goal to write on it.  It is their "be true to yourself" goal of the school year.  

"Follow myself and not my friends!"

 "Come out of my shell more and make good friends!"

"Share my talents and don't be embarrassed to shine~or fail!"

 "Be myself and not someone else!" 

 "Don't be like others and just be me!"

They've only been in school for a week, but I know there are a few who have really focused on their goal already.  They want to accomplish their goal and they want to hear a good report from their teacher and be able to tell their mom and dad how good they're doing at it.  Taya even put her goal in her backpack so she could see it every day whenever she went into her bag.  

This is one of my new favorite back to school traditions!  (along with our annual one-on-one discussions about bullying~what it is, why we don't do it, and what to do if we see it)   Do you have any you just love?

Have a happy day~Kasey

"I don't want to give up!"

*I don't post this for sympathy or compliments on my parenting.  Please read through, I do this for insight*

Some days I send my husband texts like this, “Why did I ever get married and have kids?  What was He thinking?  He knew I would be this way so why not give His children to one of those amazing people who wants so badly to have kids, but can't, and would do a much better job than I am!  I am not cut out for this.  I never was and I never will be!  I am so done with this!"

 

Yeah I know, you're either thinking, "that is terrible!"  or, "ohhh..I know those days!"  But please, let's set aside the judgment.  I don't mean to be harsh and heartless.  And yes, I sometimes speak..or write..before I think.  I know, it's a bad, bad thing!  It's something I have to overcome.  Let me interject for a second..my day wasn't all bad.  Look at these fun things~

 

"Mommy, let's play 'friends in heels'!" 

 So we spent hours, wearing heels and playing friends!!

 We did the airplane and "lady ride."

 And snuggled with baby..

 See, beautiful morning.  So what happened?  Homework!  Seriously~no lie!  My kids are really smart.  I'm not saying that because I'm bias.  But..some have a tendency to play not-smart.  Why?  I have NO CLUE and it drives me nuts.  I repeat the same thing a million and 10 times.  I take the time to explain it to them.  Nothing.  They still want to ask me for the answer.  Then when I check it and they get things wrong, massive break-down, total fit!  AHHH!!  I can't handle it.  I have no patience.  It's gone and done.  I react poorly, too much noise and raised voices.  Not a good place to be in and it causes a circle of UGH.  Fit, screaming, can't concentrate, fit, screaming, etc..I am very aware that yelling, in no way, helps the situation.  But it just comes out.  Even when my brain is saying, "calm down, you're not helping!"  I can't handle those days of pure defiance and complete "let's-turn-off-our-listening-ears" times.  My reaction is poor, but in those moments I truly feel as stated above.  Done!

I’ll be completely honest~this is not the life I wanted.  It’s not the life I ever thought I’d have nor was it something I looked forward to.  I know many of you out there in the same boat..only opposite.  You dream of the things I have, but don’t.  You would give anything for my life.  You dreamt of a beautiful family with a husband you love and kids running around your legs all day!  Don’t think I’m being inconsiderate to your feelings.  I get it.  Really I do.  But there is part of me that would do the same for your life, your successes, your joys, your experiences.  I know I am blessed.  I know my kids are amazing individuals who will do great things in life.  I know.  It’s just way different than I ever thought I'd be living.   Therefore, being a mom is NOT something that comes easily to me.  It's REALLY hard for me.  I am not a natural mother.

So what happens why life gets me down like this?  What do I do?  I talk to my children.  Real, honest, open-ended, discussions.  My kids hold me accountable for my behavior, my choices. 

 

Gage had a rough evening and it was full of crying, whining, speaking before thinking, etc.  We had a chat after the homework fiasco.  He was then sad because he was making bad choices and he doesn't want to.  He just wants to be perfect.  We listed a few things he needs to work on and I explained that he can't just be done with them all at once.  That's too hard and it doesn't work well when we try to do it that way.  He asked why not.  I used a ladder as an example. 

 

"Can we just jump from the ground to the top step of Daddy's big ladder?" 

 

"No way!  That would be too hard!" 

 

Exactly!  Life is the same way.  We can't jump head first in and try to overcome all obstacles at once.  We take one at a time and work on it until it's just normal for us and we don't have to work on it anymore.  He said he wished he could just get over them all at once.  I said me too!  We agreed to work on one thing at a time. 

 

The evening continued to be a not-so-fabulous night.  At bedtime he said he always does things wrong and maybe he doesn’t have a good heart in there.  I told him I knew he did.  I feel it around him (everyone does)!  I explained to him that we keep trying.  If we don’t, that is when we fail.  But if Heavenly Father sees that we are always trying we will be doing good in His eyes.  We have to keep trying or else we’ve made a choice by not trying.  We choose to do good, or do bad.  "What happens if we don't make a choice?"  Oh, my dear boy, we always do.  Even when it seems like we aren't making a choice, we are.  If we don't make the choice to try our best to do good, then we've chosen to do bad.  Throwing in the towel, or giving up, isn't really an option because it's choosing opposite of what we really want.  He asked how everything could be a choice..”we don’t choose to drink water, we just do.”  I explained to him that yes, it is a choice…it was a choice until it became a habit.  Now he doesn’t think of it each time as a choice because he just chooses it.  And that’s why we have to keep trying.  When we do something, or change a habit we already have, we have to keep doing it and keep making the conscious choice until, one day, we realize we aren’t choosing it anymore, it just happens, like the habit of drinking water. We will have the habit of explaining our feelings instead of throwing fits.  We will have the habit of not hitting even when someone upsets us. He said, “I don’t want to give up.”  That simple phrase meant more to me than probably anything anyone has ever said.  He doesn’t want to give up.  He wants to be like Jesus.  He wants to make it to our Father in Heaven.  He wants it.  If he doesn’t want to give up, why do I?  I told him that I really needed to hear that.  I thanked him for being an example to me even when he didn’t know he was doing so.  He asked how and I told him that the Spirit knew I needed to hear it so he was prompted to say that, to not want to give up.  It was something I needed.  I told him I wanted to be in the celestial kingdom with him.  "Me too!" and the tightest, sweetest hug in the world!  Thank you Gage!

 

I began the conversation with him to answer his questions and let him know that he is a good person and has a good soul.  That, if he wants to be like our Brother, he needs to keep trying.  Giving up isn't an option to get us that result.  Funny how every single thing I said to him, that he needed to hear, I needed to hear.  FYI~I don't believe in coincidences.  Thank you Father!

 

Have a happy day~Kasey

Blog tember Challenge~Our first "big" family vacation!

Oh how I've really missed my Blog tember posts!!!  I've enjoyed the challenges of some of the writings and I've missed reading them from all the other awesome bloggers that are participating!  I am excited to get back in it (and even though the point was to post a day..I'm going to go back and do the ones I missed..because..well..some of them I wanted to share on..and others..I didn't..which means I need to step out and do it)!! 

"Sept 18th: Tell a tale of traveling, a city or country you've been to or a favorite vacation."

I have SO many countries and American cities on my traveling bucket list.  I was even planning to attend a semester abroad while in college....then I met my man and got married!  We didn't get a chance to travel much because of how quickly our kids joined our family!  So..even though I wanted to visit most of these places before I was 30, it isn't happening!  SO I will share with you our first major family vacation!  Now, we have done something every summer, and for our "family anniversary" but those have been little weekend "stay-cations" in the surrounding cities.  This was our first BIG one..and it was a SURPRISE for the kids!!!! 

Even though we tried to plan in advance..my husband is just NOT a planner and always wanted to put it off.  But eventually, after the plan changes and the hotels we wanted being booked we finally set it all in motion.  We reserved the hotel and bought the tickets.  No going back now!!!  We had a LOT of fun planning this and keeping it from the kids!!!  We actually needed to come up with a story for the kids though since we were going to Boise for a night then getting back in the car...and NOT going home!  So..they knew we were going to California to spend time on the beach.  That's what we told them and they were excited about it. 

The next morning we woke up the kids still had no clue..so we had them close their eyes, and laid their surprises on their laps.  (We got each of them a character beach towel and sunglasses) Then we told them that, yes we were here to go to the beach, but we were here for something else too.  We had them open their eyes and guess. Taya immediately knew and yelled, "DISNEYLAND!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

I could tell this story in detail from the moment we woke up to the moment we went to sleep every single day.  But I'll spare you my journal and let the pictures speak for themselves!!!  But don't worry, I won't overload with pics either..just some of our favorites! :D

Sunglasses, awesome shirts my sister made and totally surprised us with, and FIRST TIME badges!!

 We loved the "Buzz ride!"

 Haylee girl meeting her MOST FAVORITE!!

 Storybook Village was a cute ride!

 Gotta get the castle in there!!

 And of course Cars Land~which we loved!!!

 The "Mater ride"~TOTALLY AWESOME!!!  A huge family favorite!!!

This handsome boy "meeting" his favorite!!

 Can't forget Cory getting pulled out to dance with this lady while she sang.  So fun!!

 On our way out we happened to walk by just as they were going to start Playhouse Disney.  No line, right in, totally awesome for the kiddos!

The Arial ride was a favorite too.  Super cute!

 We all loved the Toy Story ride.  Lots and lots of fun!!! 

 This little babe got to meet her favorite in the whole world too!!!!!

 We had a night where we split up.  The boys went and did all the scary rides and coasters while we met Pluto and rode some of our favorite, more calm rides! :D 

 Mickey!!!

 And of course Small World..who doesn't love Small World?!?!!

 After three days at the "Happiest place on Earth" we went to the beach!  (see..no lies..we totally did go to California to spend time at the beach!! :D )

Seriously the ONLY picture with all of the kids and daddy in there at the same time!!! 

This girl couldn't get enough.  She was in it all day long!!!

 After, sadly only one day and the kids begging for more beach, we headed to visit cousins and family.  Super fun!! 

 And we were lucky enough to get to meet...and ride..the horses!!! 

 SUCH a fabulously fun and family filled vacation!!  We all had a blast and can't wait for our adventure next summer~Florida here we come!!!!!

Have a happy day~Kasey

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